My Life Needed a Serious Pivot—An Empowering Moment on the MoodShift Journey

Have you ever wanted something so intensely that it was ever on your mind?

For me, this is a resounding yes! 

I know myself to be of high energy, driven with intense passion for adventure—even if most of that adventure as a child was played out during dream time.

I couldn’t grow up fast enough once I discovered my passion to become a medical doctor at age nine. The event that launched that passion was a trip from Detroit to The Massachusetts General Hospital to visit my mother who was recovering from a revolutionary hip surgery. The positive ripple effect of her returning to normalcy was profound. I was privileged to meet the doctors who performed that miracle for Mom. 

From the point of view of a nine-year-old child, the surgeons dressed in their greens and white coats and the nurses in their starched white uniforms and caps was a sight to behold. It was forever etched in my mind.   

At the suggestion of a nurse, my dad took me to visit the historic Ether Dome (inside the hospital) which had been preserved for posterity. It was where ether was used as the first general anesthetic. “Wow” was the only word I had to express the totality of that visit to Boston. 

Twelve years after discovering this passion, my mom presented me with an acceptance letter to medical school. My heart-pounding excitement was palpable as the smile on my mom’s face gave away the fact that she had already peeked inside the envelope. Suddenly, all of the unnecessary bullshit, anxiety and angry moments I had put myself through to reach this long-standing goal dissipated and was replaced by a flash of excitement knowing that a most precious wish had been granted.  

I should have cried to express my joy, but instead I jumped on my Kawasaki 900 motorcycle and raced down Northwestern Highway—at God knows what speed! During a burst of acceleration, I regained my senses and slowed down; returning home safely. My angels were looking out for me that day. 

My journey through medical school and residency was nothing less than extraordinary for me. Many of my peers complained along their journey in residency, but for me living that dream made almost every day joyful. The steep learning curve kept me curious and always interested in learning more. If I had a “bad” day, those feelings quickly dissipated in my anticipation of what each new morning might bring.

Following residency, a series of fortuitous events guided me to the pristine wilderness of the Eastern Sierra. The transition from working in an inner city hospital in Detroit to the wide open spaces of Bishop, California was just what my pioneering spirit needed. 

As an obstetrician, I had the privilege to assist over a thousand women bring sacred life into this world. I loved the patient interaction and never grew tired of the private conversations and discoveries about healing and life that I learned along the way. For me, that was what doctoring was all about.

I felt I was living a charmed life.  

What people did not know was that on my journey as a medical doctor, I became privy to the ugly dark secrets the western medical industry keeps hidden from the public eye. My knowledge of these secrets did not come all at once. They were revealed to me little by little over the course of my training and career. I kept turning a blind eye—all the while my heart was objecting.

Indiscretions are taken by both the pharmaceutical industry and doctors themselves. These indiscretions keep getting bolder and bolder. Today, “iatrogenic” deaths are the leading cause of death in America (although Google still lists it as the 3rd leading cause… no surprise there). 

The desire to continue to work in the profession to which I had dedicated my adult life, along with this knowledge, would require me to compromise my ethics. For me, this was unconscionable. I could not reconcile this contradiction, which produced a dissonance within me. 

My drive to be the best in my field directed me to look at all kinds of treatments and procedures outside of the traditional “western model” that were worthy of my attention—something my non-traditional medical school training encouraged…thank you Dean Hunt. 

For stress relief, I took solace from my workouts at the gym. However, my mental health continued to suffer. Years of sleep deprivation along with hospital politics and a wife whom I had become estranged produced overwhelm—leading to atrial fibrillation in my heart. One minute I felt on top of the world, the next minute I hated my life. I could not seem to find balance or gratitude for what I was experiencing.

I was spiritually unfulfilled and knew it. I yearned for my high energy to return as well as my intense passion for adventure. I needed to rethink my career and my life. This was my opportunity to grow into an even more expansive life.

This is when it hit me like a ton of bricks! What!!!! I had been an effective and successful doctor and could not imagine myself as anything else. I realized that wearing that “white coat” had become my identity. This was not a midlife crisis—it was an identity crisis. Who was I without my “white coat?” This was the challenge before me. 

I had grown up being told “As you grow older, less and less opportunities are available to you.” Was that really true? Or was this simply another example of status quo thinking? Beliefs that Americans held to be true, but not necessarily other cultures. 

I learned from a hall-of-fame football player I met that identity crisis was not an uncommon challenge for retiring professional athletes as well. He himself needed to discover who he was when he took off his jersey and was no longer in the game. He told me it was difficult for him to have the same excitement in the new career choices he explored as it had been as a football athlete. Fortunately for him, he had a supportive celebrity wife who understood the challenge he faced. He had achieved celebrity status in one field and was now wanting to be equally successful in another career. It was clear to me from the conviction in his voice that he would achieve this.  

I suspect there are many other professionals that can relate.

As serendipity would have it, around the time I was struggling with the contradictions I faced about my career as a medical doctor, a friend suggested a book by Lynne McTaggart, “The Field.” It was my introduction to the science of quantum physics, described by some physicists as the science of possibilities. I found the information within this book refreshing, hopeful and stimulating. My take away from that book was that there was much more to the world I occupied than I had been taught. 

Within a year, another unfolding of serendipity occurred as I was introduced to a woman who understood my desire to build new dreams. She was supportive, creative, multitalented, and had a craving for learning new things as well as an excitement for what emerges from the quantum field.

With both my daughters off to college, I started to contemplate my exit strategy. As I began moving in a new direction, I decided to begin the process to close my medical practice. I bid my staff and patients good-bye. I was pleasantly surprised to discover  that many of my older patients whom I shared my plans with congratulated me and would say “Go for your dreams, don’t wait!” Those comments spoke to my heart.

Family and friends whom I had held in high regard voiced a different opinion, however. They thought I was crazy to walk away from my practice at the height of my career and took the opportunity to remind me of their opinion at every chance. This added to my dissonance producing separation, anger, and disappointment at a time when I needed support more than anything else.   

I found it necessary to distance myself from those naysayers who never appreciated my independent nature or understood my pioneering spirit, not to mention the ethical contradictions I was facing in the medical field. I needed to learn to set healthy boundaries. This was no simple task for me. The bonds between us were strong and their voices hung around in my head. The voices would message me “we told you so!” every time I ran into a challenge, even if that challenge was only in the way I was thinking, not what was actually happening. 

Over time, I learned that entrepreneurs always face new challenges and I needed to embrace my new career with as much excitement as I had for my first career.

The more I studied the science of quantum physics the more I was able to connect the dots of my experiences as a clinician to the miracles in healing I witnessed. For me, it was self-evident that the body is designed to heal itself. Even more fascinating is that spontaneous healing is nature’s rule, not to be discarded as an exception.     

The understanding of spontaneous healing became my new passion. 

As I learn to trust my instincts in this new environment, I am stepping into larger shoes to fully embrace my heart’s expanding desires. As it turns out, the thirty years I spent interviewing patients was filled with insights—insights I carry forward into this new career. The vision to help people navigate their lives with more consciousness and less stress was more powerful than my prescription pad could ever provide.

Looking back at my career as an obstetrician, I hold sacred the unique birthing experiences in which I participated. The words with which I was entrusted as I listened to some of my dying patients proved invaluable to my deeper understanding of the power our thoughts and emotions play in our well-being or demise. Conversations that have provided me with insights—insights which I can talk about today. 

I am grateful for the experience to explore quantum physics and spirituality with my wife—keeping alive in us the beauty and mystery of being human. 

I chose a long time ago not to journey alone. I am grateful for having made that choice. Today my life is richer and more bountiful sharing this journey with my wife, Pam. Without the trials and tribulations we have experienced together, I would not be ready to step into the larger shoes I am about to wear as our love, our life, our joy and abundance expand. It’s a conscious choice on our part to live this larger life and share it with others. 

As it turns out, taking off my white coat was easy; letting go of the ensuing identity crisis was not.  

My spirit’s desire for more life has allowed this “identity crisis” to weaken its grip on me as I look to a future where I apply all that I have learned on my journey out of western medicine.

To those facing an identity crisis, I say to you “Discovering the truth of who you really are is the portal to your well-being.”  Without this truth, there can be no healing. There are many paths to discovering who you really are. Choose one and don’t look back.